Certainly it is easier to love and be compassionate towards some
people rather than others. Those who appeal to us, who are similar
to us, to whom we are attracted invite our caring and concern.
Love does not necessarily mean "like". It is possible
to dislike someone-to not be "friends" and yet still
respond with love and compassion. We need to love and have compassion
for ourselves also. This means that we often have to draw boundaries
with people we find unpleasant or manipulative. We do not however,
have to hate them. Our tendency to avoid people who are different
than us is a symptom of our not living fully. When confronted
with a person who does not think like we do, speak like we do,
dress like we do, or share the same tastes in food, music, entertainment
we also face a potential negation of our own selves. When we encounter
such differences there is an unspoken undercurrent of threat to
us. "If he is different that I is he better than I?
If he is better than I he must have more life than I. If he has
more life I am being threatened by death." As we have been
seeing the hero faces death-and survives.
We often say that the world is shrinking. Indeed, it is. Problems
in other parts of the world now have the potential to greatly
effect our own lives. And yet the people in other cultures may
be so different than us as to be almost incomprehensible. This
is a threat-at root it is a threat of negation and death. How
we respond to this difference or unattractiveness is a measure
of the strength of our denial of death. Global awareness provides
input and information we need in assessing our own lives.
We learn of the differences of people, how their actions may effect
us. We learn to both suffer and celebrate with others. In the
past people were unable to experience global awareness. For us
it is both an additional opportunity and an additional responsibility.
It is an opportunity to become courageously heroic. It is a responsibility
to respond to all people with love and compassion.
From the journal:
It is cold, wet, nasty out-WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DO OUR "NEW
REFUGEES" DO… those victims "the HOMELESS"
who wander the land-those broken by the greed of the rich, the
powerful, the Reaganites---- I grieve- I walk the streets IN SPIRIT-
with Mother Theresa- in prayer- in love- wishing, praying that
I had the strength to do this kind of work. Here is where my heart
truly burns… lead me Lord.
Wash. Week in Review-the AIDS thing is HORRIBLE-prayer desperately
needed
the black nurse from Jamaica (I could not stand her!) All nurses
wonderful (except the one)
Prayer List- Aug/Sept Resolution of what to do about black
nurse M. who is so unpleasant at M.D. Anderson. Lord-bless her-
heal her.
MOST IMPORTANT… prayed for mine enemy daily- that something
GOOD happen to her. IT DID! She married in October- happily…
and we became good friends!
A house full of Hispanics- wonderful good people. My weak human
nature surfaced once- wondering what kind of persons would show
up-and what would the neighbors think? Dear God, I thought I was
healed, but perhaps I'm more honest than before-and of course
I want our home open to all people-regardless!!
COMMUNITY AND SUPPORT
The human is a social animal . We need human community. Our love
and compassion can develop community support systems. We are not
isolated and self-sufficient. We cannot control the world. Winds
blow, rain falls and disease can strike without warning. Especially
at these times we need the love, compassion and support of caring
others-and we need the ability to accept that support. The hero
is not deluded as to their "toughness". She accepts
her vulnerability, her dependence upon others, her own need to
be understood. Good social support is necessary for health and
growth. It can include receiving knowledge, financial, and physical
support. It also includes the possibility of having someone with
whom you can share your hopes, fears, and dreams. Support is especially
needed in times of crises and emergency whether physical or emotional.
In one sense "support" can be translated into "friends".
People who lack support are often socially isolated and lonely.
Such people are often in active denial of death. To admit their
own weakness and vulnerability, their need for other's love is
to recognize the closeness f death. To ask for help often takes
great courage and great insight into the basic human condition.
From the journal:
this was an experience of community-it enveloped me… I
felt among authentic, caring people-and I was so at ease-with
a quiet happiness. Nothing in particular. Just a good place to
be.
Polite discussion until I finally said ½ hour later: "I'm
deeply sad" with that J. came over and held my hand (with
tears in her eyes) it was productive/fruitful-loving. At end of
this dialogue H. says "Do you need to be held?" "Yes".
So we came together and they embraced me. At end of session H.-big,
naturally gracious, somewhat reserved man gave me a big hug. This
was all very healing.