To a large degree the symbolic meanings and interpretations upon
which we act are given to us through our society, friends and
family. We are always socially conditioned. Our social conditioning
is in some ways inescapable. We cannot deny the communal traditions
and individual historical experiences that have shaped our lives.
For instance, if you were abused as a child this history will
effect your life and cannot be denied. Healthy change is never
the result of a denial of the past. Healthy change is a courageous
turning to face the forces that have shaped our unique selves.
We have a degree of freedom in how we respond to those
forces.
Our freedom is increased when we develop our abilities of apprehension.
Apprehension surveys the full quaternion structure of human experience-the
Field Model-in order to excavate and extract potential
meanings and interpretations. These will largely be determined
by social traditions and individual history, however, we see in
R.M. an ability to broaden, deepen and develop skills of this
kind of full apprehension. A broad and deep apprehension surveys
possible meaning with increasing subtlety, nuance and distinction.
Growth in apprehension increases the possible options available
to the person. It allows us to recognize and break the tyranny
of received views.
A creative artist is often ridiculed or misunderstood, at least
in his or her own time. An example would be the case of Debussy's
Le Mer. This symphony has been described as a "tonal
poem". It does not really possess a melodic direction as
do most symphonies and popular songs. Today it is considered a
classic. When it was first performed it was quite controversial;
blasted by the critics and disliked by the public. Debussy, as
a musical composer, was familiar with the compositional structures
of his day. He developed his abilities of apprehension of the
musical world of notes, intervals and time signatures-looking
at them and their interrelatedness in unique creative ways. He
courageously indulged the unique apprehensions he excavated out
of the familiar musical forms. He did not allow himself to be
dictated to by the prevailing social sensibilities. He did not
succumb to the tyranny of received views. The result was a masterpiece.
Life calls us to make our own selves masterpieces through the
development of creative apprehension.
We develop our skills of apprehension through the imaginative
use of analogy and metaphor. We tend to think of imagination as
pertaining only to our abilities at fantasy. For instance, the
image of a winged horse is certainly imaginative in a fantastical
kind of way. However, fantasy is not the only function of imagination.
Certainly great artists such as Monet and Picasso would be called
imaginative, but in a way different than the type of imagination
that leads to fantasy. Imagination enables us to resist the tendency
to be determined by common, received, institutional views of reality.
Imagination allows the human to transcend historical facts and
re-appropriate memories in a new context. Imagination increases
the depth and breadth of our apprehensions. Life demands imaginative
thinking.
Edward L. Murray in his book Imaginative Thinking and Human
Existence writes: "Imaginative thinking is just that:
it is thinking, intellectual effort designed to move us towards
an end." Imaginative thinking is different than logical thought.
Both types of thought require active effort. Both are used to
solve types of problems, but imaginative thought is free to move
in directions not available to logical thought. This distinction
is quite important for us as we attempt to move our lives towards
ever greater harmony among the four main areas of human life:
social, physical, psychological, and spiritual. Imaginative thinking
allows us to deepen and broaden our abilities of apprehension
through the recognition of analogy and metaphor.
The processes of analogy and metaphor are what allow us to apprehend
creative and unique symbolic meanings. Metaphor and analogy encourage
the development of polysomy which means "a multiplicity of
meanings". Any single word or symbol (language is a symbolic
system) has both connotations and denotations. For instance, the
word "cow" denotes a certain type of animal,
it connotes meanings such as milk, Wisconsin, etc., depending
upon cultural milieu. If you were in a Hindu milieu "cow
would have the same denotation, but would have different
connotations. Development of apprehension through imaginative
thinking increases polysomy, or the connotations of symbolic
experiences available for our use as we artistically create our
selves.
DREAMS
The questions that are elicited from deep within us during encounters
with boundary and limit such as in the experience of terminal
disease are not logical problems that can be solved through logical
thought. R. M. was certainly no logician-she was an artist. An
artist not in the sense that she painted, but an artist in that
she created the contours of her life through imaginative thinking.
Imaginative thinking takes some effort and practice. R.M.'s main
(but not exclusive) style of imaginative thinking was related
to her nightly dreams. Upon waking she wrote down her dreams in
considerable detail. At that time she would note what recent events
might have contributed to the dream's content. For instance, in
one dream she drives "C's" car and sees two obese men.
Immediately following her written account of the dream there is
written in black ink (all her dreams being written in green ink):
"C's car needs repair again- this week, obese men-at mall
yesterday…. I noticed 2 or 3 huge young men."
This indicates to me attempts at imaginative thinking. Dreams
are always symbolic puzzles-sometimes meaningful, sometimes not.
R.M.'s response to her dreams is never to isolate them or bring
to them any preconceived notions. She is open to any relation
they might have to other aspects of her life. Often, when we think
of dreams we think they always have to "mean" something.
Often they do not, or if they do it s a meaning we are unable
to fathom. Because R.M. was so open to all aspects of her life
she was able to see meaning in her dreams through their relation
to aspects of her life that might appear unconnected. The hero
fosters an attitude that attempts to always integrate memories,
dreams and experiences. Integration means that we incorporate
our experiences. We resist the temptation to ignore or suppress
unpleasant experiences. We seek for and attempt to forge connections
between seemingly unrelated experiences.
There was a letter written by R.M. in which she relates some of
her dreams and her own interpretations of them. Some of these
dreams were before her diagnoses, but she creatively uses them
for meaningful insight into her current situation..
From a letter:
1. The dream where I was called on a lonely journey across
the sea in England. I was separated from my beloved and family-
the world was at war- no one knew where I was except the villagers
(community). I would be on a pilgrimage and would be given food
along the way- nuts and fruits- and shelter by certain elderly
women. I need only good walking shoes. The journey stretches into
3 or 4 years-I am sad that I have not heard from C. but hope we
will be together at the end of the journey.
Among the many meanings I see this as the long, arduous struggle
to regain health through the partnership of medicine (surgery
and chemotherapy) and holistic principles. It is a lonely journey.
2. I have been just told I have incurable cancer. I know that
I will die soon- my stomach is swelled greatly and there is an
opening where a drain had been inserted. I call my friends and
family together to say goodbye. Then I realize my son is dying,
and I decide to live so that C. will not be alone to face
the loss.
Six weeks later this all came true- abruptly- (except for my
son being incurably ill). The sudden swelling of the stomach ascites-
the drain after surgery all as stated by the dream, including
the calling together of all my friends to say goodbye. You may
have represented a part of me that was dying- that part of me
that said "I will not take chemotherapy or have surgery because
the cancer is so advanced" -until I saw the pain this was
causing C. and our children. You helped very much in the decision
to go to M.D. Anderson for treatment. "I decide to live."
3. The journey-hanging on the edge of the abyss- taking a perilous
leap to land on stones- only they are down covered pillows. I
roll down the mountain in these wonderful pillows into the arms
of my community.
This dream… pointed to a new direction. Yes- I may have
new symptoms, the tumor may never go away completely- others have
lived for long periods with tumors but mine may still regress
on chemotherapy, and I am called to leap in faith and trust continuing
the Simonton Work and Believing it is bringing healing.
In this leap of faith I learn to live in the present moment
and to cherish life. I made a conscious decision to follow the
dreams advice… and chose life - I refused to give
in to despair! (R.M. continues on to relate how a passage
in a book she was reading added to this insight.)
4. I am with C., J., and other members of my extended family
and friends- all very dear to me. We are on a journey abroad.
I exclaim: "We must go to Rome- it is only 27 miles away,
and our time is short." They agree. How to go? My car suddenly
appears on the scene and I am driving down a wide road.
Up and down hills through ancient villages as incredibly beautiful
scenery unfolds, suffused in a soft, ethereal, rosy glow. I see
glimpses of medieval towns, great old buildings and towers perched
on hillsides. Arches between buildings line the road lending added
enchantment-I point out various scenes with great joy. Suddenly,
Rome comes into view- it is breathtaking. I am swept with ecstasy."
Here the dream seems to be indicating a new viewpoint. I am
moving towards this- I am in the driver's seat- I have chosen
the way. I have gathered family and friends to go with me (community)
on the journey- as opposed to the first dream where I set off
alone- cut off from my family. This possibly indicates a change
of attitude in allowing my family to participate in my decision
to undertake treatment. Throughout all the dreams the importance
of family or community (Body of Christ) is confirmed. The many
decisions "to choose life" along this journey of the
past year have led to the place of beauty and joy……
though my life may be drawing to a close.