There is something both attractive and forbidding about a person's journal. Imagine sitting all alone with a loved one's diary. Chance are you might be tempted to open and read-- what does she really think about me? The actual thought of reading it may fill you with anxiety-- not least of all how it would reflect upon you! But on another level we can be repulsed--do we really want to know an other's innermost secrets? What demons, or what angels will we find? Either might blind us. We know that when the journal writer re-entered the room we would look at him or her with new eyes.
Such a situation brings us face to face with the essential ambiguity of human communication. We want to have friends and partners with whom we can share. We so desire to escape from our essential isolation; to communicate that rich interior world we alone experience. This is especially important in times of crises, but often there is no one there to listen. Haven't we all avoided someone who was in pain or crises? If we listen aren't we tempted to give pat answers: "don't think about it"; "why don't you just..."; "It's God's will".
Don't we know, in our own lives, how ineffective such responses are? We want to come closer to each other, and at the same time not come too close. So we hide our innermost, often ambivalent thoughts from each other, and very often from ourselves. We feel helpless when faced with an other's pain. We fear we will be misunderstood, rejected. How can I feel both great love and great hate for my spouse, parent, child? How can I go out with my best friend, but at the same time feel that she really bugs me? Such is the back and forth, ambivalent quality of human life.
It is an ambivalence we would rather ignore and so we cruise along with each other on a very superficial level. Don't ask the "big questions". Don't show me the side of you that is fearful and vulnerable. Don't be honest with me and I won't be honest with you. In this way we won't have to deal with any sticky situations. In this way we can maintain our splendid isolation.
A diary or journal can be superficial or quite deep. The adolescent
girl may keep a diary in which she moons over a cute boy and relates
simple happenings of the day. This will not interest us too much--we
can see it on our own. But what of diaries such as were written
by Anne Frank? Words laden with human experience, fear, ambivalence,
hopes and deep honesty about human life.
An Outline of R.M. Who she was and what her life was like.
The Primacy of Death. A preliminary discussion of Ernest Becker on the denial of death and Otto Rank's drive to immortality. "The Hero." Includes culture and the denial of death and today's sacrificial rituals.
R.M.: A True Hero. R.M. as hero. Her use of synchronous moments to generate meaning.
Imagination and Meaning. R.M.'s creative use of dreams. Analogy and metaphor.
More Imaginative Work. More of R.M.'s meaning-making activities. Uniqueness. Marriage.
Living in the World. R.M.'s concern for social justice. Social support.
Responding to the
End. Largely in her own words.